Addicted to Loving ?

Addiction to people. Is that a thing? That fine line between loving someone, and having a co-dependent-attachment driven relationship. Most of you have had this kind of relationship. Almost as if the other person involved, or the relationship itself is like a drug. Like the best drug you have ever had. Your experience with “it” has been so incredible, birds flying high-nothing can touch you- happy. So much so, that you just cannot imagine not having it. And then there is the come down. You feel sad, unfulfilled, at a loss of control, that the only thing that will make you feel better again is getting your fix. You know that when you are about to do this drug again that it maybe not the best idea for your long term health, but yet you do it again because you want that feeling of elation, and it turns into this perpetual cycle, spun out of control, to which you don’t have an answer of when or how or if you should stop. You ask yourself if the come down is worth the high. Subconsciously, on some level you have decided it is. Your friends grow concerned for you. Some enable you. You stop doing it for a while. You feel good. You relapse, you feel great. Then you come down again. And find yourself asking the same questions.

I’ve not been addicted to any drug. But I have had a remarkably profound connection with someone who caused me to analyze a relationship or person as a drug. To the point where I can maybe even get away with talking about how some drugs aren’t so bad. For example, coffee. Coffee is a strong drug. But its not necessarily bad for you. In fact, coffee has been proven to be a powerful antioxidant, it stimulates the mind, it brings people together. It represents ritual. However, too much coffee is not a good thing; It can dehydrate you, make you shake, make you crash, some people are so caffeine sensitive, they cannot drink coffee.

We all have our thresholds, our tolerances… apply that to your said metaphorical drug like relationship and then compare. At what dose is it good for you, at what dose is it no longer a good thing. And how do you go about monitoring and regulating your decided healthy limit. So much can factor in. I might be somewhat addicted to coffee, so saying i’ve never been addicted to any drug was probably a lie. I could live without coffee. I just don’t want to live without coffee. I like waking up in the morning and making coffee. I find joy and comfort in the smell wafting through my house. Sitting and drinking a hot cup while I read or write and get ready for my day. Meeting a friend for a walk and getting coffee. Taking a long drive with some coffee. I’m not going to quit drinking coffee. But perhaps I don’t need to drink 5 cups a day. The healthy choice would be to balance my consumption with water, or tea, or booze…just kidding…kind of.  Or nothing. Sometimes nothing is exactly what we need to do. Take a step back and hopefully reconnect with ourselves.

The moral of this piece is to moderate accordingly. Watch your habits. Get to know yourself. Practice getting to know yourself, being true to yourself, and loving yourself as hard as you love whatever, or whoever your so called addiction is. Everything can and will fall into place. None of this is easy. Thats why we practice. Thats why I write.

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